Choir: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the
congregation to lip-sync.
Holy Water: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
Hymn: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher
than that of the congregation’s range.
Incense: Holy Smoke!
Jesuits: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges
with good basketball teams.
Jonah: The original “Jaws” story.
Justice: When your children have kids of their own.
Kyrie Eleison: The only Greek words that most Catholics an recognize
besides gyros and baklava.
Magi: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
Manger:
1- Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn’t covered by an HMO.
2- The Bible’s way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.
Pew: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches.
Procession: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass,
consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners
looking for seats.
Recessional: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass—lead
by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
Relics: People who have been going to Mass for so long that they
actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
Ten Commandments: The most important Top Ten list not produced by
David Letterman.
Ushers: The only people in the parish who don’t know the seating
capacity of a pew.
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